but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
So squirting runs in the family.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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