The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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