there was a trapeze. enough said
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
