Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
