it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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