Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
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I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
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I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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