literally had 100 drinks last night.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
