Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
