I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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