I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
