So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
