Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
