So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
