i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
