what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
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I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
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Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize