I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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