So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
they need to just BURY HIM!
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
