He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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