yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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