So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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