There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
