dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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