you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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