discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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