I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
