I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
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I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
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Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.