if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper