You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.