i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
stop calling my apartment porn island.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a