The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
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I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
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His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone