hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
