Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
