They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
