I feel great
I just peed on a car
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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