Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
