Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
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Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
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They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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