His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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