how can u be prego again
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
