its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
