Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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