And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Congratulations! We have a period
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
