i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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