I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
