Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
