you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just high enough for therapy.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
