i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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