I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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