There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I deserve this hangover.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
