I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
