Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
