So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
