I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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