he was CRYING into my vagina
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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