oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
