So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
