Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
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I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.