hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.