You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
They took my balls.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?