he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...