I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.