All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
