my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
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I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
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He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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