to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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