I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
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I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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