I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
