Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
