That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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