you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
