i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
