i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
