Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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