got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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