I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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