I'm going to jail i love you
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
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Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
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We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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