So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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