my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm too high and old for this...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
