He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
