My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm always down for nudity.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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