ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
