I want to walk on stilts...naked
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
