I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
