i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
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For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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