I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
