I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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