He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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