You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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