You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
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LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
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I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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